The three-sentence formula

Sentence one thanks the person and names the gift. Sentence two says what you have done with it, or will do with it, and that is the sentence that makes the note believable. Sentence three closes with something forward-looking: seeing them, hosting them, writing again. That is the whole note. A fourth sentence usually adds nothing except a longer wait before you actually send it. Write the sender’s name at the top even in a short note, because a note that opens with Dear Ana reads as correspondence, while one that opens with Thank you reads as a receipt. Both are polite, but only one of them sounds like a person.

  • One: Thank you for the cast-iron pan.
  • Two: it has been on the hob every evening since, mostly for eggs.
  • Three: come and eat some of them next time you are in town.
  • Rule: name the gift in the first line, always.

Ten wordings for gifts

These work for birthdays, end-of-year holidays, housewarmings and anything that arrives in the post. Change the object and the use and the sentence still holds, which is the point of having a formula rather than a list. If the gift was money, name what it went towards rather than the amount, and if the gift is something you have not used yet, say when you plan to use it instead of pretending. Honest specifics read better than enthusiasm, and they are much easier to write quickly. Two sentences is the floor for a note like this, and four is the ceiling.

  • Thank you for the pan. It has been on the hob every evening since.
  • Thank you for the books. I read the second one first, as you predicted.
  • Thank you for the plant. It is on the windowsill, still alive, surprisingly.
  • Thank you for the jumper. It is exactly the right kind of too warm.
  • Thank you for the vouchers. They went on a coat I have wanted for two winters.
  • Thank you for the money. It is going towards the bicycle. Photograph to follow.
  • Thank you for the whisky. It is in the good cupboard, saved for something.
  • Thank you for the frame. My grandmother is now on the shelf where she belongs.
  • Thank you for the tools. The spirit level proved nothing in this flat is straight.
  • Thank you for remembering. The card mattered more than any parcel would have.

For teachers, coaches and anyone who taught someone

A thank you to a teacher should be about a change, not about effort. Name what the child can now do that they could not do in September, because that is the sentence a teacher has no other way of hearing. This is also the note most likely to be kept in a drawer for years, so mention the child by name and keep it to three lines. Avoid listing everything the school did well; one concrete change carries far more weight than a general compliment about the year. Send it at the end of term rather than in the holidays, while the year is still fresh for both of you.

  • Leo arrived in September refusing to read aloud and finished the year volunteering.
  • Mia has stopped saying she is bad at maths, which is the biggest change in our house.
  • Sam talks about your lessons at dinner, which is the highest praise available here.
  • Nobody won anything all season and everybody wanted to come back. That is harder.
  • There is now a piano in the hallway, and it gets played without being asked.

For hosts, hospitality and help

A host note should mention one detail from the visit. Anything specific proves you were paying attention: the walk, the tomatoes, the dog’s behaviour at breakfast. Send it within a week, and if you stayed several nights, post something rather than sending a message, because the effort is part of the thanks. The same applies to help rather than hospitality: name the thing the person did, especially if it was the sort of quiet job that usually goes unmentioned by everybody involved. If you were one of several guests, write your own note rather than adding a line to somebody else’s.

  • The bed was better than my own and the tomatoes better than anything sold in a shop.
  • Four adults, two children and one dog in a small house, made to look effortless.
  • I have thought about that pudding several times since, and I would like the method.
  • The car came back with more petrol than it left with.
  • You did the thing nobody asked you to do, and everybody noticed.

Weddings, funerals, timing and making the cards

Wedding thank yous go out within three months and should name the gift, which means keeping a list on the day itself. Split the writing between both people rather than one person facing ninety notes alone. After a funeral there is no deadline, and the standard is lower than people fear: a single line acknowledging that somebody came, sent flowers or cooked is enough. If you have many to write, do five a day and address the envelopes first, so a finished note is never left sitting around.

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  • Wedding gift: the glasses came out for the first dinner we hosted as a married couple.
  • Wedding money: it went towards the week in Lisbon. We thought of you there.
  • Wedding attendance: thank you for travelling so far. Having you there made the day.
  • After a funeral: seeing so many people who knew him made a hard day easier.
  • After a funeral: thank you for the food left on the step. We were glad not to cook.